Growing up is hard enough without it being in an alcoholic household. Hiding the reality from friends, being shamed by others - and not knowing that a dear friend was sharing that same, or near same embarrassment and pain shook me at the time. You are an amazing, compelling writer, and I look forward to every word you write. I appreciate you and your friendship so very much.
You are too kind, Margaret. Thank you. There's another AA saying that I didn't mention that seems relevant. "You are as sick as your secrets." I spent so much time hiding and keeping secrets that it took a heavy toll.
I understand that. My first year in college, I wrote a paper on alcoholism and its suspected causes - 1972 version - and shared it with my dad. He cried, but it didn’t change the behavior. I think he was more upset about me realizing he had a disease than about taking steps to heal his own demons.
Brilliant , candid , bold as always , my dear friend Wayne!!
You have inspired so many through the years! You have allowed others to benefit greatly from your vulnerability and insights! Pain is real and oh so challenging! So is healing and change!! And your openness affords us all the opportunity to see what is possible and attainable.
You are, and have always been, so special, and indeed you are a Mensch !!
Wayne, I had no idea you carried the burden of your family or negative self-talk. I always saw the competent, confident, funny, smart, and kind classmate. While I didn't have similar family issues, the battle with negative self-talk is a thing, and ebbs and flows through the years. Howard Stern talks about it - his father was rough on him and look at his success. My mother asked me why I didn't get all As on my 1st grade report card like my friend did - (I received all B+s) - those were my marching orders that have lasted a lifetime. It had its tolls too. We should all go easy on ourselves and reflect on all the good and happiness we have contributed to the world around us. You have contributed a great deal to things that are good and correct in our world through your words and wisdom and actions.
Thank you for sharing your vulnerability, your story, your family and friendship with me. I have always admired your ability to write so beautifully, to be a present and loving dad and husband, and a caring friend.
Wayne - thank you for sharing your compelling story - May the noises fade and may your self-worth and lighter person bring you ease and more opportunities to wake up and smell the Coffey that we all know , respect and love -
Wayne, as a recovering victim of depression, I felt a kinship with what you wrote here. Happy to say that retirement and counseling helped me escape the clutches of the down times. So does reading your work. You have a gift and you share it well my old friend 😎
Thank you for writing/sharing this. You are one of my favorite writers, but more importantly one of my favorite people. This piece will help people. It will help me.
“Wherever I wind up “ is one of the best memoirs I’ve read - sports or non sports. And that’s just one of your many accomplishments - the best being creating a wonderful family who you write about with such heart. You’re a mensch , which is the highest compliment in my book.
I hit send too soon. To your point, we all hear and succumb to the noise in our head ,not all as traumatic as what you describe. But it holds us back, nonetheless. Thank you for bravely sharing your story.
Yes, the noise. As a musician, it lives and breathes with you. A non stop running criticism and non stop running evaluation. The goal in my world is perfection. Anything less is not acceptable..... over the years, I have learned to not let that expectation cross over into my private life. This has been hard.Being hyper critical away from the music stand doesn't endear you to anyone or make life pleasant. Nothing is good. You see all the mistakes and problems. I think this is all becoming clear because we are now older. I can deal with this much better now.
You share much wisdom here, Cathy. Seeking perfection is such a slippery slope for all of us - writers, musicians, artists or plumbers. You need to have high standards to master your craft, but if they're so high that you are miserable, well, that is no way to live. Thanks for reading.
Thanks for sharing Wayne. This is so powerful and I can feel your pain through the words. For my family it was a gambling addiction my father had that caused so many fights between him and my mother, though my mother would never think about divorce as she was such a strict Catholic. His addiction caused my family to go on welfare which included food stamps (the good old days of food stamp books). When my mother would give me food stamps to go get milk I would always bring any cash I might have on hand to pay for the milk if anyone I knew was in the store. That carried with me to college (I was the only one in my family to attend) where I developed what is now known as Imposter Syndrome. I thought I had no business being in college with all these other people who had such better life experiences than me. Despite not thinking I'd ever marry (due to the experience of my parents) I was luck enough to find "the one" who helped me realize that I was worthy of joy (of course it didn't help that she is an Ivy League grad which made me doubt our relationship at first :-) Better late than never.
Of course a lot of my issues may also be because I'm a Red Sox fan and suffered through 1975, 1978, 1986, etc.
Growing up is hard enough without it being in an alcoholic household. Hiding the reality from friends, being shamed by others - and not knowing that a dear friend was sharing that same, or near same embarrassment and pain shook me at the time. You are an amazing, compelling writer, and I look forward to every word you write. I appreciate you and your friendship so very much.
You are too kind, Margaret. Thank you. There's another AA saying that I didn't mention that seems relevant. "You are as sick as your secrets." I spent so much time hiding and keeping secrets that it took a heavy toll.
I understand that. My first year in college, I wrote a paper on alcoholism and its suspected causes - 1972 version - and shared it with my dad. He cried, but it didn’t change the behavior. I think he was more upset about me realizing he had a disease than about taking steps to heal his own demons.
Brilliant , candid , bold as always , my dear friend Wayne!!
You have inspired so many through the years! You have allowed others to benefit greatly from your vulnerability and insights! Pain is real and oh so challenging! So is healing and change!! And your openness affords us all the opportunity to see what is possible and attainable.
You are, and have always been, so special, and indeed you are a Mensch !!
Great piece , thank you
Love you Norman Eddie
Thannk you for lifting me up, Norman.
Wayne, I had no idea you carried the burden of your family or negative self-talk. I always saw the competent, confident, funny, smart, and kind classmate. While I didn't have similar family issues, the battle with negative self-talk is a thing, and ebbs and flows through the years. Howard Stern talks about it - his father was rough on him and look at his success. My mother asked me why I didn't get all As on my 1st grade report card like my friend did - (I received all B+s) - those were my marching orders that have lasted a lifetime. It had its tolls too. We should all go easy on ourselves and reflect on all the good and happiness we have contributed to the world around us. You have contributed a great deal to things that are good and correct in our world through your words and wisdom and actions.
Thanks, Joan. You get straight A's from me, then and now.
Thank you for sharing your vulnerability, your story, your family and friendship with me. I have always admired your ability to write so beautifully, to be a present and loving dad and husband, and a caring friend.
Thank you so much, Brooke.
Wayne - thank you for sharing your compelling story - May the noises fade and may your self-worth and lighter person bring you ease and more opportunities to wake up and smell the Coffey that we all know , respect and love -
Your devoted friend-
Geish
Thanks, Geish Munk. :)
You are a generous and compassionate soul, Wayne.
Thanks, Debra Gaffey.:)
I love how you weave stories and experiences into something we can all relate to…and move way beyond the tape in our head questioning if good enough.
Thank you, Paula. I really appreciate your comment.
Wayne, as a recovering victim of depression, I felt a kinship with what you wrote here. Happy to say that retirement and counseling helped me escape the clutches of the down times. So does reading your work. You have a gift and you share it well my old friend 😎
Thanks so much, Mike DeArmond. I feel the same kinship based on your comment. No wonder we knocked around the Rings all those years.
Thank you for writing/sharing this. You are one of my favorite writers, but more importantly one of my favorite people. This piece will help people. It will help me.
“Wherever I wind up “ is one of the best memoirs I’ve read - sports or non sports. And that’s just one of your many accomplishments - the best being creating a wonderful family who you write about with such heart. You’re a mensch , which is the highest compliment in my book.
I'm honored to be a Marci mensch.:)
Wow! Sometimes you just don’t know. Thanks for sharing. And for being brave to continue when the “noise” gets too loud!💕
Thank you, Nancy.
Heck yeah...been carrying my own load a long time, for sure...I suppose most of us do, whether we think about it or not...
Emptying my pockets now though, the best I can...
Thank you for putting an excellent voice to it...great piece, boss...
I hit send too soon. To your point, we all hear and succumb to the noise in our head ,not all as traumatic as what you describe. But it holds us back, nonetheless. Thank you for bravely sharing your story.
Yes, the noise. As a musician, it lives and breathes with you. A non stop running criticism and non stop running evaluation. The goal in my world is perfection. Anything less is not acceptable..... over the years, I have learned to not let that expectation cross over into my private life. This has been hard.Being hyper critical away from the music stand doesn't endear you to anyone or make life pleasant. Nothing is good. You see all the mistakes and problems. I think this is all becoming clear because we are now older. I can deal with this much better now.
You share much wisdom here, Cathy. Seeking perfection is such a slippery slope for all of us - writers, musicians, artists or plumbers. You need to have high standards to master your craft, but if they're so high that you are miserable, well, that is no way to live. Thanks for reading.
Thanks, Dave. Rocks do us no favors.
Thanks for sharing Wayne. This is so powerful and I can feel your pain through the words. For my family it was a gambling addiction my father had that caused so many fights between him and my mother, though my mother would never think about divorce as she was such a strict Catholic. His addiction caused my family to go on welfare which included food stamps (the good old days of food stamp books). When my mother would give me food stamps to go get milk I would always bring any cash I might have on hand to pay for the milk if anyone I knew was in the store. That carried with me to college (I was the only one in my family to attend) where I developed what is now known as Imposter Syndrome. I thought I had no business being in college with all these other people who had such better life experiences than me. Despite not thinking I'd ever marry (due to the experience of my parents) I was luck enough to find "the one" who helped me realize that I was worthy of joy (of course it didn't help that she is an Ivy League grad which made me doubt our relationship at first :-) Better late than never.
Of course a lot of my issues may also be because I'm a Red Sox fan and suffered through 1975, 1978, 1986, etc.