Pillow Talk

Your new president is going to Make The Cabinet Great Again.

Today, Coffey Grounds makes an unscheduled pivot into satire, also known as (Purposely) Fake News. If you like it, please consider subscribing. If you like it a lot, please consider becoming a paid subscriber. Sharing it with your 500 closest friends would also be a good option. Thanks, as always, for reading. There are no writers without readers.

- Wayne

PALM BEACH, Fla. (Coffey Grounds) - Continuing his pattern of handing Cabinet appointments to long-time loyalists, President-elect Donald Trump has named My Pillow CEO Mike Lindell Secretary of the newly created Department of Bedding.

"The Great People of this country will be able to rest easy when I return to the White House, and they will rest even better knowing that Mike Lindell, The Pillow King, is on the case," Trump said in a statement. "The Radical Left thinks Mike only knows Pillows, but this goes way beyond Foam and Feathers. Mattress Tops, Mattresses, Sheets and even Slippers - Mike is on top of it all. His knowledge of thread count is second to none. He is the right man at the right time."

Trump, who has vowed to streamline the federal bureaucracy, declined to elaborate on why the Department of Bedding is necessary, or to say specifically what the scope of the agency's responsibilities would entail, though he did reveal that he will issue an executive order on Day 1 of his Administration.

"Every bedroom in the White House and Mar-a-Lago, including the little one near the kitchen where Melania sleeps, will be furnished with My Pillow products," Trump said.